A Man Faced with his Mortality

What would I do if I had 30 days to live? Or 60 days? Or let us give me some more time, and say I had half a year to live…a full 180 days (Of course I need these many days if I want to spend the last few days touring the world, waiting for the COVID19 situation to get over and manage the visa hassles)? Anyway, the question is, what would I do if I had a defined period of time left? If I had a deadline…

Would I go on a world tour, a thing I always wanted to do? Visit all the places I ever wanted to visit. Would I visit the Mediterranean nation of Malta? Or the Vikings land of Iceland, with fabulous black sand beaches and angry volcanoes? Or perhaps I would visit the island of Madagascar and pay my obeisance to King Julien.

Or would I try everything I never considered doing? Maybe I would want to have a drink, make a toast to the life lived and the one that may never be lived. Perhaps I will taste all varieties of alcohol, from the best my pockets allow to the local varieties, which are a part of cultural legacies of certain places. Maybe I will consume tobacco. From the lowest khaini to the best cigars, I can lay my hands on. Or shall I finally try Rajnigandha? Perhaps the last few days would be best spent with kadamo me duniya.

Or maybe I will push myself further. Maybe I will experience something that is considered taboo (well to some sensibilities). Perhaps I will try beef, octopus, deer. Maybe love a person from a different caste. Or maybe find companionship with a guy. Or maybe I will change my religion. That would make me look at the world from their perspective. See what their hardships are. But would that change mean anything as my adoption would be more from a socio-political standpoint rather than an understanding and belief in the one true God of that religion? Would the caretakers of that religion allow such an experiment? Who knows!

How do I use the remaining time? Do I go and confess my true feelings to the persons I have felt close to and never mustered the courage till now to do that? Or do I call up my ‘friends’ and tell them where I thought they did me wrong? Or do I say sorry to all the people I have wronged? Maybe make amends and ensure all accounts are balanced before the final accounts are drawn up. #AccountingJoke

And do I need to focus on myself at all? Why cannot I use my wealth and the remaining time to give something back to society? Something that I would be remembered by once I am gone. Maybe help out an orphanage? Or donate to have more trees planted. Or work towards the betterment of the trans community? But is that any good? Who will remember me? Many people have left for heavenly abode, and I don’t know if anyone remembers them. Maybe on their birthdays. And not because they are fondly remembered; mostly because to score political points.

But will I be remembered? And how will I be remembered? Does anyone know me…the real me? What version of me will they remember? And do I know myself? I am just a specimen of Sapiens made up of flesh, bones and atoms. For the government, I am only a digit on the vast database. For the Chinese, I am an opportunity to exploit. For Google, I am a data point of all the browsing (including the Incognito ones).

Or now that I am faced with my mortality, I go out and seek out the meaning of life? Visit the places to understand the purpose I was put on this earth. Or should I give so much of importance to myself? Yes, I know Neil DeGrasse Tyson did say that all of us are made up of star particles. But am I really that important a character in the cosmic script where I live on a tiny rock revolving around a small star placed on the sidelines of an average galaxy?

And why should I care to be remembered? Even if I do something humungous in the time left, it won’t make any dent on the history, for what is human history but just a day old in the lifetime of the universe. As I said, I am nothing but a very, very small dot on a slightly bigger dot that floats in this big, black universe. Should I be that much worried about my mortality then?

And if I am planning to do all these things if I am faced with my mortality, then why don’t I do it right now? After all, I am still faced with the same mortality even now. But maybe I am too much entrenched in this management education system. That’s why I won’t start working on that all-important submission until the deadline is right in front of me. Maybe we consider ourselves to be a going concern. The companies usually draw up the final accounts in a way that shows that they will continue to operate beyond the end of the financial year. We work in a similar way. We know there will be time left to do more business, to expand our operations, to live on endlessly. And a deadline like that would push us to put things in order before we wrap up; to pay-off all the debts, to honour all the contracts, and if something still remains, distribute it to the shareholders (whoever be the nominee on the insurance documents at that point of time). #FinanceJoke

But what if that timeline gets extended? Then what would I do?

 

*This musing is inspired in bits by the movie Kaalakaandi, and my understanding of the books Sapiens and 21 Lessons for the 21^st Century by Yuval Noah Harari. I was working on it when I got to know of Sushant Singh Rajput’s untimely demise. That news made it quite real. May he find peace wherever he is.