Death of the Child

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Whatever happened to the kids, Mishra ji?

I don’t see them anymore. Yes, I understand that we as a society have been quite surgical at removing the threat of the girl child. But, the boys? What happened to them? Weren’t they supposed to be playing in the dirt, in the sun, all year long? Oh wait! Yes, they have to study to prep for the IITs. But wait wasn’t your son in standard 6th? Oh yes, a strong foundation is needed. Foundation…what exactly do you want to build on that foundation? The Eiffel Tower of your unfulfilled desires?

Hanji Sharma ji, aapke ladle ka kya? We don’t see him enough these days to compare and belittle our kids. Our kids aren’t getting inspired lately. What?! He has joined dance classes? Good good. But wasn’t he interested in cartooning? Oh yes, I agree cartooning is a dangerous activity. You never know when someone will issue a fatwa or even kill you for exercising your freedom of expression. So why teach him dancing? To enter a talent-hunt reality show? Hmm. Good job. But why is he crying right now? What? He is not crying? He is practicing? A little sob story does wonder to the TRPs. But let us get this correct. This was a reality show? And he spends every day two hours practicing dancing and three hours perfecting his crying for this...umm…reality show. Your son sets standard for our kids and you do the same for us teaching on parenting done right.

Oh hello Mrs. Verma. Where is your lovely daughter? I am sorry I missed her birthday last week. Work issues, you know. So how old is she? 8 years old…hah, time flies. Doesn’t it? So where is she right now? Oh, practicing for her bua’s Sangeet. How sweet! Which song? Baby Doll main sone di? Yes yes, because every song which has baby in the lyrics is meant for a child’s dance programme. Right? Wonderful! I believe next year she’ll perform on ‘Baby ko bass pasand hai’. And that low cut lahenga… perfectly suits an eight year old. Bravo Mrs. Verma. Bravo!

Oh Mr. Chadha, you seem quite elated. Your son has a girlfriend? And they are already getting physical? Isn’t he in standard 8th? True, poot ke paanv palne me hi dikhne lag jate hain. Probably they are having those practical classes of Sex Education. At least he will top in one subject. Hamare bachche jinko moochh nahi nikla unko sachcha pyaar ho ja raha hai aur ye banker Banerjee adhed umra me bhi samajh nahi pa raha ki usko love hai ki Dove hai! Silly fool!

Oh finally…a young blood. Mr. Srikant Mishra, an IITian in the making. Classes over? Oh this was coaching? Ab tuition bhi hoga? Great job, Mishra ji. Why don’t you join NASA? You will be hailed at your applied experiments in infusing artificial intelligence in biological beings. Kudos. So, Srikant… where are your friends? On Facebook? Son, you are in the right direction. The approvals you get in the virtual world in terms of likes and retweets are the real deal. Who’s your best friend? MaYaNk MaNZzzz? Hmm… great choice buddy. Friends in the real world will only backstab you. Don’t believe anybody. Never trust another soul.

You know what Mrs. Tambe, aaj kal ke bachche, they talk and dress and behave like grown-ups. You saw how Srikant behaved maturely. It’s a good thing. Now we can discuss anything in front of them at the dinner table. Divorce, rapes, prostitution, smoking, booze, adultery, everything is on the (excuse the pun) table. We feel so proud when we can be ourselves in front of them. Hopefully, on Shravan’s 10th birthday, he’ll join us for a drink together. Oh my God! I am so excited. Thank god, those awful cartoons like Captain Planet, Scooby Doo, The Flintstones got over (Damn you Hanna-Barbara). Now they can only watch Doraemon, which doesn’t actually teach them anything or Tarak Mehta, which actually teaches them stereotypes, which we so wanted to inculcate in him. How else would he have learned our values? We had a nanny. And she used to narrate these stories from Jataka and Upnishads. We removed her from service the second we came to know she was filling his head with such abominable and unbelievable fantasy stories. Anyway, I am going inside. Game of Thrones is starting. Shravan asked us to watch it with him. These dragons are so believable in GOT. Completely different from those talking dogs and ants of Jatakas.

Comments

  1. Kumar Ranjan2 December 2016 at 20:41

    Oh good one ! Though at times seems a bit off impulsive . Keep going.

    ReplyDelete
  2. mannat2 December 2016 at 21:08

    Banker banerjee :) well done..true scenario aptly put in words..

    ReplyDelete
  3. Unknown2 December 2016 at 22:14

    Superb piece of writing man.
    Kudos.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Itsmeonly2 December 2016 at 22:42

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Purwaiyya5 December 2016 at 04:48

    It was real good piece of writing.
    The subject demanded more elaboration of ideas developed in each para. I found it impulsive but somewhere disconnected at end of each para when I was craving to deal with that specific issue, but then what you started in every new para was equally appealing. Pls rewrite it and atleast double the size or even more. No new content but only the development of idea exactly in the way you did.

    ReplyDelete

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