The Universe that is Indian Roads

Catering to a vast demography is never easy. And hence, what the Indian roads have achieved is mean feat. It has an impressive track record and can proudly boast about having a flavor to satiate every single individual’s taste buds.

For the archeologists, there are ancient ruins. The once-been roads of many-a-cities can be discovered and carbon-dated to realize that Indians had asphalt roads way before anyone else did. It is altogether a different matter that the said road was laid just before the onset of the last monsoon.

For the astronomers, it is big playground. In addition to the Great Wall of China, the other man-made thing that is visible from the space is the series of craters…err, potholes on Indian roads. Massive and full of life-forms, that can be a good breeding ground for young astronomers starting out. According to unconfirmed sources, few of these craters are also inhabited by specimens of the Homo sapiens species in large numbers. Some of these craters stretch for miles and can put the biggest crater on the Moon, the Aitken basin to shame.

There are only a handful of gyms in Indian cities and the authorities that be are certainly aware of it. They are also aware that medical expenditure eats up the biggest share in household income. So how do they ensure public health? They have an ingenious idea. Make the roads in such a way that people driving on it are healthy. So they format the roads on the blueprints of the ravines of the Chambal. With bumps at the least expected places, a series of small potholes that may run for miles, open manholes for the added thrill, driving on these roads would provide ample cardio for the commuters that they won’t ever feel the need to visit a gym.

Animal enthusiasts need not worry as well. There are snakes abound on these roads as well. No… not cobra or rattlesnake type but the ones Nagraj would be proud to call his own. These can never move in a straight line. They will always zig-zag even in a road free of traffic. One wonders, if their bikes run on petrol or alcohol. I believe, if they visit a bar and the bartender asks them, ‘What’s your poison?’, they would most definitely say, ‘Petrol!’

Travel aficionados! We’ve got your back as well. You come to India and can experience mighty mountains to serene seas to rushing rivers. But did you know that if you were planning to visit Spain to participate in Running of the Bulls, we can offer you a cheaper alternative here in India? Move on any Indian roads and navigating around the buses and cars and the ensuing hahakar, you will suddenly see a herd of cows, gently breezing down the road, nonchalantly, and their horns winning over the car horns. Tourists, come experience España in Esplanade.

Indian roads have always been an experience in themselves and we have been cursing them or their lack of. In the immortal words of Morpheus in The Matrix, ‘No one can be told what Indian Roads are. You have to experience it for yourself.’ The roads not only mean the world to us, they mean the universe. Look closely, and you might find that bastard son of the Solar System, Pluto trying to make a place for itself on them.